Frenzied Alligators Attack in New York City!

By Ben Dirks

On March 2nd, early in the morning at 4:27 A.M, alligators were spotted in the Lower East side of Brooklyn. They attacked Jeffery Willems, a postman doing his rounds.

A First Hand Report

I was walkin' down the street, y'know, doin my job, and I notice this weird shape in the street. Now, I ain't got any light, so I think it might be a person, and I rush over. All of a sudden, it attacks me! I got stitches for days!

Police rushed to the scene, where, luckily, Mr. Willems had not suffered fatal wounds. He was rushed to the hospital, and is currently resting.

Make sure to watch out, and that you do not suffer harm by alligator. Try not to go outside if you can help it, and lock your doors. We just have to hope that this terrible phenomenon will end swiftly.

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